Friday, January 22, 2010

h@rd t1m3s..

today is the second day being single.. im starting to think back all the happiness i had with my hubby.. i wonder really no more chance?? must the ending be so cruel?? wad about mieko?? i really duno wad i should do.. i noe my life will be much better without u bt i rather suffer if i can get ur love.. cz actually sumtimes i really need u by my side bt now everything seems to be impossible.. today my mom tell me about getting a lawyer for the separation.. is to make clear our separation and taking my child care and expenses from him.. i duno y i dun feel happy bout it.. bt i feel guilty bout it.. i duno la!! my life is so complicated.. everything is so confusing!! haiz..

baby min

Thursday, January 21, 2010

f1n@llY ev3ryth1ng h@s 3nd

last nite my husband told me.. i think we be fren better lo.. first first i gt a bit bu she de d... bt since he will be more happy being fren then i try to accept it lo.. cz i wan him happy.. bt smtg weird i think he really do fall in love with other girl already.. cz if he is my husband he wont so easy let me go d.. bt nvm la.. everything has past.. now i need to be strong and take care of baby mieko.. i need to stand up and be tough for her.. i cant collapse so easily like usualy whn i face break up.. tis break up is diff.. i cant fall tis time.. cz there is a small hand waiting for me to hold her to her adults journey.. hopefully i can get over with tis feeling soon and start a new life..

finally im single..

baby min

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

tim3 to tr3at my s3lf bett3r and l 0 v 3 my s3lf

i have made a decision.. i wont b3 sad bcz of those guys who dun appreciate me!! bt i still will cont loving sum1 out there.. lolx.. im crapping rite?? haha!! anyway now a days im thinking ways to make my life more challenging and more fun!! whn come to fun party and clubbing is appearing in my mind!! well until now i only plan everything in ktn and for the coming holiday.. bt im nt goin to be confident tat wad eva im planing will be fun.. cz i notice sumtimes i came out wif lame plan.. lolz.. haha!!! well tmr im goin to get a pra test for my driving!!( wish me luck) haha.. then plan to go financial park with my two best bff shi wei and calvin.. planned to go for manicure bt duno la!! the most important thing is i wan to go get my comp done!! my comp is so laggy now a days!! gesh!! i think i need a new comp.. haha!! tis comp have been with me for bout a year plus almost two years d.. haha!! bt i love tis so i think ill jz repair it and continue be its loyal owner!! hahaz.. well now a days im teaching mieko to say gong xi fa cai!! haha... u gt it!! cny is around the corner!! cant wait for it!! bt tis year i think im nt giving ang pao and aso taking ang pao!! bt im hoping to get to settle the problem between me n my hubby.. really make me tired.. i duno wad he wan.. i duno wad he think.. bt now i wont think bout it.. jz let him gv the answer.. if he is late things change then all i can say we're nt meant to be together.. bt as i noe.. we can stand till so long maybe he is the man i need.. well hopefully one day god will gv me a clearer answer..

today i receive a letter from the jabatan plkn.. i send a pengecualian letter for escaping the stupid national service with the reason im already a mom!! thanks to my husband!! haha.. he help me alot i tis.. without him i think i will stuck in camp now!! so they wrote in the letter tat they have receive my letter and im allowed to be excuse from tis program!! isnt tat gd??? haha!!
until now things are started to get better.. hopefully things is getting better and better and all my prob will be slowly solve soon..

i learned tat in human world patient plays a very big role.. without patient everything will gone worse and u wont know hw worse it can be!!
so now no matter wad happen patient is the first thing!!

baby m1n

Thursday, January 14, 2010

i dun get it..

y must there always be a knife striking into my heart?? i jz wan sum1 to love me.. is tat wrong?? my heart now is really gone to small pieces and i dont know hw to fix it anymore.. maybe im meant to be single all along.. i really duno!! everything is so complicated.. y must love be so complicated?? haiz..

Saturday, January 2, 2010

wad should i trust??

last few day i ask u everything and u answer me.. i was so happy and i trust wad u say.. bt now wad i saw is so diff.. nt as wad u say.. wad should i do?? i should continue believing u and act tat i din saw wad i saw or wad?? i doesnt want envy to make us apart.. i try and try to not to envy bt everything u did is nt like wad u say.. i do get disappointment.. maybe tis is wad u wan me to feel.. maybe its time for me to feel wad u feel.. im so sry... i noe ive hurt u.. and i cant recure ur wound.. bt i really have awake and change.. i am nt the old vanessa.. ive change.. i tot u seen bt bt bt.. its like ntg.. i really duno.. im so damn confusing.. i already try my best nt spending so much time on fb so i wont c all those thingz.. bt it jz always appear as soon as i open my fb.. i really hate it!! my heart tears in to pieces.. bt no one noe wad i feel.. i never showed out my feelings.. i still have to smile and be happy.. cz i need to work and earn money.. everytime i sit down i will start thinking of u and missing u.. and everytime i think back i feel so sad and my tears keep on drop.. i really duno wad i should do?? now u dwan me.. bt i cant leave without u.. i really duno wad i should do.. i cant let go u at all!!! i really do love u bt i dont know can u feel it?? maybe im nt good in showing my love or maybe u already dun love me.. i wonder wad is actually goin on?? why cant i jz be happy with u?? why cant i stop being envy bout u?? y my tears keep on dropping?? a lot of ques is stucked in my mind.. bt i cant even find one of the answer.. i really very curious.. whn i need u.. whr r u?? i really duno now is only me not facing the reality or wad ever u say is true?? i really confuse!!!

sumtimes i really duno wad u wan.. i wonder u still love me ant?? am i still so important to u?? tat day u jz sound so weak and i wanted to protect u so much!! tat day ur weak bt u gv ur strength to protect me.. i really feel so happy... tat feeling is so sweet.. tat feeling is still always keep in my heart... i really hope one day u will always be the one i first to c whn i wake up.. ur the one who always kiss me on my forehead b4 u leave to work.. ur the one who always held me on whn im weak..ur the one who always make me laugh...ur the one who always accompany me.. i wonder will all tis happen again?? hopefully yes.. i really need u by my side.. i love u always..

baby min