Monday, November 30, 2009

im totally break into pieces..

last nite i accidenlty heard my husband talking on the fon with a girl.. and he say he really love his kl gf.. bt in reality he told me diff things.. bt i believe him.. the worse is he say out that 'he dun love me at all he with me is bcz of sex' i was so sad.. my heart all break into pieces.. i din noe wad to do!! i was too sad... and after i done cry and so on i notice while i was sad i cut my wrist with a knife.. am i stupid?? i really duno y!! first is june and now my husband...its like 1 by 1 come and hurt me.. am i so stupid?? do i look like a slut?? i admit i do gt betray both of them b4.. bt u guys aso cant treat me as a sex toy.. and my husband ive been with him for 2 years he never love me b4?? i dun believe lo.. i really duno wad should i do now.. i really felt like a toy being throw to one after another.. i really sick of my life!! all tis long i never had a real love b4.. i was so serious in both of tis relationship in the end all i gt is hurt!! i really very stupid.. last nite after i listen all my husband say i was so sad.. bt i duno y im nt angry at him bt i blame my self back.. i really duno y.. should say im stupid or i love him to deep?? i really duno..

now on 7th dec i will be leaving my husband hopefully after leaving him for sumtimes i hope he can slowly accept me and love me and hav a happy family with me.. i did many wrong thing while with him bt he always give me chance.. i hope tis time i give him chance and it wont be late... i really doesnt wan everything to end here.. i wan a real love and a happy family!! i dun believe wad my husband said last nite!! all is jz a lie!! i trust wad i c!! and i will cont loving my husband no mater wad.. i will always wait for him!! i really do love him!! i hope he noe it and willing to accept me bck and hav a happy family with me..

now i really need to put all tis love prob a side.. cz i noe i cant do anything now.. cz everything need time and time is the best to show our love and answer hopefully wad im doin now can save my marriage... and now i really need to pay attn and fnh my exam den leave husband for sumtimes and den go for my plkn and come bck be my husband lovely wife!!

may god bless me..
in lord father name i pray..

baby min

Saturday, November 14, 2009

mood swing easily...

these days ive been a bit down. cz i wry that i hav to pass my bufdae on my own.. i dun expect anything such as present or wad.. cz all i wan is hubby accompany me.. bt it seems tat its impossible.. now i really duno hw my bufdae is gonna be.. i guess tis will be the most sad and lonely bufdae in my whole life.. haiz.. well i cant do anything bt jz face it.. hopefully smtg will surprise me on that day.. well not too much hope on it.... jz now i was asking hubby to invite his whole family out for dinner and i treat.. and he answer me.. pls dun be so thick face.. my whole family hates u!! is u dun know keep on make prob.. every1 never forgive u.. even me.. my tears was all coming out bt i keep it i dun let it out in front of him.. i really duno its true ant.. he treat me gd and his family aso.. bt haiz i duno.. i really duno!! SPM coming.. divorcing is aso nearer i duno!! my life is so doom now!! its like everything is gonna end.. sumtimes i really rather die.. bt i noe i should face it.. bt its nt that easy.. really confuse!!!

well recently my hubby juz noe a new girls.. so my wryness have bck.. same thing!! nt i dun trust him is i dun trust those girl.. duno la!!! fan ar!!! haiz..

baby min

Friday, November 13, 2009


jz now was playing fb.. so saw june prof.. so i gone through his photo.. i seldom read his photo comment.. bt duno y today will read.. so i found out that once he told me he had stiches on his ear i dun believe him.. so jz now one of his photo his fren drop a comment tat he had an accident.. t goes like tat..

Almost 700kgs of 3 large eskies filled with alcohol and drinks almost fell on him(june) while taking them off the tailgate on the back of the truck... one esky slide off it's trolley and swiped him on the side of his face and he became unconscious and bleeding from the ear which at the time we thought was internal bleeding... I was an emotional wreck but kept it together for work and the glasses helped too...the outcome was the a ear piercing on the inner-side of his ear somehow got caught by the trolly and ripped that part of his ear off and left his ear half detached off his face....40 stitches later, meds and rest! he is back at work!! not 100% pain free but he is a trouper!

i was shock whn i saw the comment i tot wad he told me was fake.. i tot he say that is jz to avoid me.. i never tot its true.. well until now he change alot bt he is still the same o careless june xyi.. hahaz.. well i cant do ntg much.. all i can do is wish him and his gf all thes best and take care.. hopefully everytime he working in the kitchen or where he wont be so careless hurting him self again.. all the best to june..

baby min..


omg!! i was so in to tis movie.. it shows for 2hour and 40 minutes.. so damn long.. was planing to cath it with chryl they sun bian celebrate birthday... bt bt bt haiz.. sadly im not allowed to go.. so no mood lo!! bt nvm la.. yan!! its for my own good... bt bt i dwan spend my bufdae alone.. hubby was not planning celebrating with me.. so haiz.. i dwan spend my sweet seventeen alone!!! very cham lo.. sound like the song zhu wo zi ji sen re kuai le..dwan!!!!!dwan mcm ini la!! sienz la!!!ish...!!! geram ar!!heng ar!! dulan ar!!!

baby min...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

lame o jamuan...

well.. another 6 days till SPM and my bufdae!! sound excited sound scary also.. hahazz!!! well.. now back to main point.. yesterday i went to skol for jamuan.. was expecting fun.. bt ended up lame.. no fun, no delicious food,no games its like so bored and hungry even after eating some food in.. bt manage to get mcd so still ok la!! hahaz.. well yesterday i was soo suprise that june sis yoki she willing to gamble with me.. haha.. so ok la she willing.. den i be banker lo.. firstly bcz tat is my cards.. hahaz.. firstly i ask cheryl all to gamble aso bt they say dwan.. bt in the end ended up bout 7 ppl came in to gamble.. haha!! imagine.. SPM was like 6 days aways.. bt were gambling here!! geng!! haha.. so doreen,fong yee,mee bing,cheryl,su chin,jun wei,yoki,pei kee,hui ling all gamble.. i was wining in the beginning bt bcz of me being so 'lan dou' so keep on gamble till lose rm20 bucks.. so kek sei me!! hahaz!! bt nvm la.. thong i give ang pao money.. haha!! whn end every1 say thank u aunty!!0.o i was like wow!! since whn i bcum aunty la?? aiyokx.. haha!! well on tat day i did take some photos wif fren.. bt all were with them cz i had no camera and phone are nt allowed.. so tak apa la.. haha.. and in the morning i was bz filling those biodata haha.. so long din do those things d.. i still remember i had a book of biodata.. inside wad all my tok sera fren bio.. and one of it was june bio.. i look back to the bio book.. and remind me of all the memories in tok sera.. kinda miss the moment.. haha.. well im gonna end my high skol soon.. hopefully everything will go smooth whn i graduate from my secondary.. and start building my career..

i had a meet up with wei xiang one of my ex schoolmates.. he was june bff.. he had some prob in his family so he now have to be a real man!! hahaz.. well i can c he is now so stress and tired.. he really change alot.. last time he was so cute and handsome with those freaking long hair haha!! bt now he turn to be a normal guy that hav a lot a prob to solve and a family to take care.. he is a really strong guy man... haha.. well im here wish him all the best in his career and life.. hopefully he will be filthy rich!! and can get his dream car ,house and so on... while yc with him.. we talk bout some of the past.. so he is june bff of cz we will talked bout him.. ive ask him to help me to ask june weather i can b back frenx with june whn he bck to malaysia.. i dont know y i do hate him bt i wanted to stay contact with him.. tis dont mean i still love him.. is jz we use to hang out togather b4 we couple and he always accompany me.. i really hope to have a fren like him.. and not loosing a fren like him.. bt now d june i dun expect the same thing from him.. cz he has change alotz!! he bcame a handsome man!! hahaha.. so hopefully whn he is bck i will have a chance to meet up with him with the help of wei xiang.. haha!! so wei xiang... pls help me i tis matter.. thankx.. haha!!

at nite i was reading jangan bunuh rama rama.. cz it was like jux 6 days to SPM so i jz read up some things tat will help me.. the nite b4 i read sabor and virus zel untuk abah till 3 am!! omg i never study till so late except ply till so late!! haha!!
i notice tat if wan study i sure can.. and i manage to remember to story until today!! nt bad huh.. haha..well to9 will cont my study.. and tmr hav to go skol to shift those table for my SPM and were having a titisan ilmu.. thats where we hav to shake hands with those teacher!! i dwan to shake with lai liu ha and shortie!!! haiz...
tmr surely will be a bad days!!

baby min

Sunday, November 8, 2009


.i duno why these days im so sensitive.. i keep on think tat my hubby outside will hav gf.. i noe he wont have wan.. bt he really gt loads of girl tat like him..tats y im so wry.. nt that i dun trust or dun hav faith on him is jz i dun trust those girl.. cz girl u noe la.. i really duno wan hw!!! i really scare ar!! i dwan loose wat i hav now.. i wan gv my baby happy family.. i wan his forgiveness.. i wan him bck.. i wan everything bck to normal... haiz.. i hope after all the changes in me.. he will forgive me and love me as hw he use too... may god bless me!!

baby min

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

decision has been made.. must it be like tis?? haiz..

well today discuss with hubby.. end up i hav to leave everything and go to labuan with my baby on jan.. hopefully wad im gonna do its worth it.. really hope tat tis is nt the ending.. hmm.. i force my self to face it.. and finnaly i did.. hope by forcing my self to change it will come out a good result in the end.. well days and days life go on.. hoping everything will be better then now.. another 14 days will be my bufdae.. hope tat i dun hav to pass my seventeen bufdae at home alone and singing zhu wo sen re kuai le alone.. haiz..